


Before and After

by Megg33k



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megg33k/pseuds/Megg33k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two opposing ends of the spectrum in the lives of John Watson and Sherlock Holmes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone in about an hour. It wouldn't leave me alone.
> 
> Sorry if there are a billion typos... because phone.

"Don't come home," John said to no one, sitting alone in 221B. He looked at the sofa, devoid of consulting detective, and sighed.

"Don't come home, Sherlock. No... I want you to smoke... smoke three packs a day for all I care. And drink... heavily. Do dangerous experiments, and make poor decisions. Don't eat for days, and stay awake until you pass out from exhaustion.

"Be petulant and stroppy. Be angry and alone. Remain silent when you should speak, and play the violin loudly and badly. Be an insulting little prat, and take everyone and everything for granted.

"Do everything I've ever told you not to do... except one. Do whatever it is you want to do, just so long as you're alive to do it. Because, of everything I've ever asked you not to do, only one really matters. I never saw that before, never realized, and I'm sorry.

"But don't.be.dead. Do whatever else you like, but just don't be dead. Be ignorant and unhealthy and irrational and inconsiderate. You can even stay away from me. Cut me from your life, so long as you remain alive. I'd rather live without you in a world where you exist than grieve you in a world without you in it.

"And, if you are coming home, take your time. I can wait. My therapist would call it denial. You would call it stupidity. But I'd rather wait for you than mourn you.

"So, take your time. I'll still be here, right where you left me. Because that's exactly what you did, Sherlock... you left me. And, as always, I'll stay and hope you double back to find me. Because I'm lost and alone... just like the last time you found me. I was so alone, and I owe you so much. So, I'll wait. As repayment, I'll wait, and I'll believe. And all I ask in return is that you live... somewhere, anywhere... just live... for me."


	2. After

"I never wanted a colleague, you know. Someone I would have to trust, have to see as an equal.

"And I never wanted a flat mate. That meant allowing someone into my life, into my process. It meant respecting boundaries and relinquishing space. It meant change, which is discomfiting for someone who prefers consistency.

"I never wanted a friend. Friends care about each other, consider one another's feelings. Friends count on each other. Friends complicate things.

"I never wanted a lover. I spent decades suppressing carnal desires, because they were nothing more than transport. I had completely dissociated those urges from any emotional responses, which I was equally loathe to feel. It seemed to be an unnecessary intrusion in my life.

"I never wanted a spouse. I didn't want to fall in love, to give so much gravity to my feelings toward another human being. I didn't think it possible that I might ever know someone with whom I'd want to share my life. Let alone someone to whom I'd wish to pledge an eternity.

"I spent my life thinking I couldn't have those things, shouldn't want those things. So, I didn't. I didn't have them, nor did I want for them. Caring is not an advantage.

"And, while that may be true, it is also unavoidable sometimes. You've taught me that, John. Because I never wanted any of those things... until you. Now, I find I want all of it and more. I want to give myself over to you, want to be yours.

"Colleague, flat mate, friend, lover, spouse... I'll be yours if you'll be mine."

And, when it was John's turn to speak his vows in return, with misty eyes, he opened his mouth but remained silent. His jaw worked, his lips forming syllables, unable to vocalize the feelings that flooded his heart and spilled salt water down his cheeks. 

Instead, he took the man's face between his palms. He stroked sharp cheekbones and looked deep into crystalline eyes.

When his voice returned, he didn't give the speech he had written, the words he had practiced. Instead, he simply said, "I will, Sherlock Holmes. For ever and ever, I will."

And then, without prompting, he promptly kissed his groom.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I love comments.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover for Before and After](https://archiveofourown.org/works/873826) by [moonblossom graphics (moonblossom)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonblossom/pseuds/moonblossom%20graphics)




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